I have endured worse.
He was back again. Seated in an ancient wingback chair by the window, he was positioned just perfectly to see out through a gap in the ratty curtains and keep watch on the door - the only entrance to the building.
Between tasks he was always returned here to wait - a dusty room with a few sticks of furniture and peeling beige wallpaper on the second floor of a decrepit boarding house in a coastal village somewhere in Europe. He could smell the sea and hear the occasional foghorn, but beyond that, he knew nothing more about this place. There was nothing to let him figure out exactly where 'here' was. No radio, no newspapers or billboards, and even if people walked down the alleyway below, he was too high up to pick up their words.
Despite their adamantine grip on him, it seemed the Mysterons still felt the need to be careful with their prime agent, just in case he broke loose.
I have endured worse.
Seemingly placed into standby mode to await his new orders, the strange, not-quite somnolence let what little free thought he had left wander through the stilted and frozen passages of his mind and contemplate the personal Ninth Circle of Hell that had been crafted for him. When the Mysterons had a new task for them, they would reactivate him and he'd be whisked away to carry out their instructions.
His biological needs no longer applied now, his body required neither rest or food. But while biological needs were irrelevant, the psychological desire was still there. He still felt the craving for coffee if he passed a cafe, felt the longing for a dip in the sea on a hot day, when he caught the smell of good food he could almost feel his mouth water.
But like Tantalus, it was denied to him.
I have endured worse.
It would have been maddening if he allowed it to have a single finger-hold on what was left of his psyche. With the iron-hard discipline he first learned as a child, refined at school and sharpened in the World Space Patrol, he took those errant contemplations and longings and set them aside.
"Vindictive bastards, aren't you?" The accusation echoed hollowly in the vaults of his mind.You said you'd studied us, but then you pointed a gun-like object at us and now you condemn a world based on the actions of one who panicked? Haven't we suffered enough? Haven’t I suffered enough to satisfy you?"
Silence answered him. The thoughts of their puppet were below the notice of the Mysterons.
I have endured worse.
The irony of it all was like an albatross around his neck. A victim of war, terrorism and revenge, he had sought peace and built Spectrum as a vehicle to bring peace. He wasn’t so proud as to claim that he served on the side of the angels, but he served the ones who did. And while wearing that uniform so proudly he had started a war of revenge, retaliation and retribution, a battle waged in fear and terror.
The worst part was when he had to hurt, threaten or kill a Spectrum agent in the promulgation of that war, tearing down what he had worked so hard to build. He knew quite a few Spectrum officers, if not by name then by face. While he was the first to admit his emotions were stunted, he still felt them and he was fond of many of his colleagues, the Cloudbase captains and Angels especially.
When the Mysterons murdered Brown and Scarlet… that nearly broke him and sent what was left of him into screaming madness and despair.
Nearly.
I have endured worse.
But he would not let the Mysterons break him.
He was no stranger to pain and suffering, enduring it as an orphaned child left to unfeeling relatives and as an adult in a hospital bed covered in burns that should have killed him. And just as he had endured then he would endure now. It was his mantra, his anchor rope to his purpose, his mission.
They would make a mistake eventually. Their grip would weaken.
And when that happened he would do whatever it took to bring them down and end this war. Until then, he would endure.
Footnotes:
This story has come out of enduring yet another lockdown here in Auckland, our longest one yet, and the grim task of enduring and outlasting an invisible enemy. My thanks to Hazel Köhler for beta-reading and to Chris for suggesting it has the atmosphere for the Halloween Challenge.