Mysterons in the "Miss Universe" Contest?
Moderator: Spectrum Strike Force
In the reference at the bottom of this post, Wikipedia cites the "Helen" as the SI unit for measuring feminine beauty, so-named after Helen of Troy who reputedly possessed the face that launched a thousand ships. However since Helen was considered to be the most beautiful women in the world at the time, it proposes that for practical purposes beauty should routinely be expressed in milliHelens (mHel), where 1 milliHelen = the degree of pulchritude necessary and sufficient to launch one ship. Applying these criteria to the CS universe, we see for example that the wife of the Vice-President of the Trans-Pacific Shipping Corporation probably warrants about 1 mHel, since she almost certainly would have been called upon to launch the atomic ship “President Roberts” in the president’s absence (“The Launching”, OCS).
Wikipedia also provides a clue as to how to quantify Mysteron beauty, since the same article cites the use of negative milliHelens for use in situations where the woman in question doesn’t launch ships but instead sinks them. Helga the Mysteron model in "Model Spy" ought therefore to warrant about minus one milliHelen herself, in view of the part she played in blowing up André Verdain's yacht in Monte Carlo harbour. This is consistent with the similar but positive rating on the V-P’s wife in “The Launching”, in view of the uncanny resemblance between the two women in question.
In a similar vein, Marina from “Stingray” managed to get quite a few terror fish blown up during her travels with Troy Tempest, so she probably earns a good few negative milliHelens – hardly surprising for a character who was modelled on Brigitte Bardot. Having said that, the calculation to transform marine milliHelens into terrainean milliHelens is unknown, and is likely to remain so until Titan sees fit to supply the WASPS with the necessary conversion formula. Returning to SI units however, we may surmise that Atlanta Shore probably rates slightly over 6 mHel on the grounds that she is necessary and sufficient to launch one submarine, which the WASPS would do doubt claim is superior in terms of both speed and firepower to any half dozen World Navy warships afloat.
Destiny Angel (OCS) ought in theory to warrant several hundred milliHelens, since she was reputedly modelled on Ursula Andress, who once appeared in a Camay commercial in which she was "said by some to be the most beautiful woman in the world"; however we probably ought to apply a correction factor to accommodate the notoriously exaggerated claims of advertisers on that one. Regrettably, the original Helen has been dead for over 3,000 years, and is therefore unlikely to submit a complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority.
Moving on to “Thunderbirds”, Tintin unfortunately doesn’t score very highly, having never to our knowledge launched Thunderbird 4, or anything else for that matter. Lady Penelope on the other hand does rather well, in view of her capability for transforming FAB1 with the flick of a switch into a fully-functioning hydrofoil while chasing The Hood away from Glenn Field in “Thunderbirds Are Go!” – a feat that would surely have seriously impressed the Ancient Greeks.
Venus from “Fireball XL5” obviously transcends such mundane comparisons, being named after the goddess of beauty herself, though her fixed inane smile suits her admirably for participation in terran beauty contests. No doubt she wants to travel and do charity work with starving children in between missions to capture Boris and Griselda and/or blow up the planet of the Subterrains. Staying within the outer space arena, we see that Lt Gaye Ellis from “U.F.O.” warrants +3 mHel, this being the number of interceptors that she routinely launches from Moonbase at the onset of an alien attack; only to be outdone by Lieutenant Green (NCS) who has the capacity to launch all five Angels from Skybase.
To conclude, it's clear that the outcome of the Miss Universe competition depends critically on whether the Mysterons can sink ships faster than we can launch them. It just goes to show how important for the future of the Miss Universe competition it is that the War of Nerves is ultimately won, doesn't it?
Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_humorous_units_of_measurement
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Clya Brown
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BTW - I believe Ursula Andress once played the Goddess Aphrodite (in 'Clash of the Titans', I think) so that probably increases her miliHelens quota too.
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Marion
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What you said about the conversion of Marine to Terrainean measurements, got me to thinking.
I have calculated that a "Marine Minute" is roughly equal to 2 Terrainean minutes. There's one exception, the people of Prisma City ('The Lighthouse Dwellers') use light flashes as measurement of time, 250 light flashes is equal to 30 Terrainean minutes.
On the subject of electrical energy, Marine volts are roughly half that of Terrainean. It is speculated that Marine electrical devices would require half the amperage than their Terrainean counterparts......but that's just a theory!
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DartBrat701
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