Lieutenant Wisteria was in a
quandary. In her job as Cloudbase
Welfare and Morale Officer, she came across problems with regularity and it was
always nice to do something upbeat and … fun. So she’d been pleased when Colonel
White agreed to her proposal for a regular staff bulletin or magazine.
She enjoyed putting the issues together - a monthly update with four quarterly
specials - and the magazine had received plenty of positive feedback. But, that had been last year, and now it was time for the
first Special edition of the new year and things weren’t looking as rosy.
It wasn’t that people weren’t
sympathetic when she approached them for input, and they always listened to her
requests with apparent willingness to comply – but then, more often than not –
she never heard from them again.
Now it was crunch time. The colonel had asked her yesterday when
the next issue was due and handed her a few official notices to include. Trouble was – she had nothing else to
fill the pages of the ‘Baselines’ Spring Special.
Well, not completely nothing – and
that was part of the problem.
Lieutenant Viridian had written a dreadfully long, erudite and soporific
article about the meaning of ‘Easter’ and - although she respected Viridian’s
faith, and his right to write about it – she knew that the article, as written,
would upset far too many people.
Colonel White had been most insistent that the magazine – which she had
lobbied for for some time – was to be non-denominational, non-controversial and
light-hearted, in the main.
Along with Viridian’s sermon and
the colonel’s base notices, all she had was the list of newly-received books in
the base’s small library. All four
of them. It wasn’t Lieutenant
Flaxen’s fault – she regularly updated the list – but lately she’d been working
on some project for Lieutenant Green, and hadn’t had a chance to buy anything
new. After all, she was a primarily a
research officer, and maintaining the fiction collection was something she did
out of the kindness of her heart.
Wisteria decided that what she
needed were some punchy articles to grab the attention of her readers. Non-controversial, punchy, entertaining
articles – and quickly.
She put her radio cap on and
headed for the Officers’ Lounge with a determined step. She walked into the room and surveyed
the assembled members of staff.
Captain Scarlet was reading a TV
listings magazine; Captain Ochre was painting a miniature model of a bi-plane of
some kind, Captain Grey was reading and Captain Magenta was writing at a small
desk against the wall.
“Excuse me, gentleman,” Wisteria
began.
They all looked up and chorused,
“Hiya.”
Lieutenant Wisteria advanced into
the room. In contradiction of the
visual evidence, she began her appeal, “I’m sure you are all very busy, but I
need some articles for the spring special edition of Baselines and I was
wondering…”
“Oh, look, Wisty, I’m sorry, but I
have this inventory to do for the armaments department,” Captain Scarlet
interrupted. “I mean, I’d love to
write you something, but I just don’t have the time…”
“But you could write it about the
armaments department, Captain,” Wisteria suggested.
“Yeah, you’re supposed to be an
expert, Scarlet,” Ochre said. “The
least you could do is help the lady out.”
“Why don’t you write an article
about your toy planes, Ochre?” Scarlet said, glaring at his companion.
“I don’t do articles,” Ochre
replied, with a smug smile. “I
could give you a picture or two, if that’d help, Wisty?”
“Well…” Wisteria didn’t want to
discourage anyone, but a page covered in pictures of model planes didn’t quite
fit the bill. “It’s a nice idea,
Captain Ochre, if you could write an article about them too? How about ‘My favourite models’ or
‘Model-making for beginners’?”
Ochre shook his head vehemently. “I’m not that good at expressing myself
on paper, Wisty. Maybe you could
find me a ghost-writer? Failing
that, I’d stick with Scarlet’s articles on ‘Guns, mortars and knives of
interest.’”
Aggrieved at what he saw as being
singled out, Scarlet looked at the other two captains and said, “Why don’t you
ask Grey to write about scuba diving, or submarines – he’s an expert too.”
“It’s probably illegal to write
about what Magenta’s an expert at,” Ochre laughed.
The Irish-born captain grinned and
smiled at the lieutenant. “Look, if
I can think of anything, I’ll do what I can?
Okay? I could maybe do
something about films, if you like?
I’ve seen an awful lot of them.”
“I’d certainly appreciate it,
Captain Magenta, or from any of you.
I could make this a special edition about the captains’ hobbies and interests…”
“What makes you think we’re
anything except boring?” Ochre muttered.
“Hey, I bet there are plenty of
female staff on board who’d be keen to see your schedule of social engagements,
Ochre. I mean, they’d get some idea
when it was their turn to be wined and dined, wouldn’t they?”
“What’s that supposed to mean,
Scarlet?”
“Nothing, just a comment.”
“Please, don’t let this be a
source of conflict. I just need all
of you to write a little article, preferably with a picture or two,” Wisteria
amended as Ochre started to protest again.
“Maybe you could speak to Captain Blue for me, Captain Scarlet? I
understand he has several hobbies.”
She glanced at Ochre who was sniggering.
“Please, Captains, anything you can do would help. After all, the colonel’s very keen for
the magazine to be a success.”
“Wisty, you are an emotional
blackmailer.”
“Well, Captain Scarlet, I don’t
have much choice, I’m a desperate woman,” she replied, smiling at them all.
The captains laughed, and agreed
they’d do their best to help –
honestly.
~~##~~
Two Days Later:
Lieutenant Wisteria pressed the
send button and sat back with a sigh of satisfaction for a job well done. Now all she had to do was think about
the next special edition….