My friend from the now defunct site "The Mysterons Complex", Jay Quirk,
had posted these captions for the end credits panels, some months ago, into one
of her site’s forums. They were so
funny that I thought of asking her if she wouldn’t accept to post them here as
well… She
graciously accepted and, after making some editing, sent them here for
you to enjoy (C.B.)
ENDING CAPTIONS
By Jay Quirk
Swamp
Caption 1:
Scarlet: Argh! This isn't Apple Tango after all!
*Splutters* Its...its...regular Apple Juice! Help me! Argh! My pampered body
isn't used to such basic foodstuffs!
Caption 2:
Captain
Scarlet casts a curse on the Evil Tree Monkey which pushed him in.
Falling
Scarlet: Oh damn! I knew I shouldn't have trusted
Patrick when he told me Mysterons come with built in Spider-Man abilities...
Cobra
Scarlet:
*To Cameraman* Hey, now look! Nobody said
this was involved in the Hansel and Grettel audition! There was no giant snake
in the wood! Where’s that gingerbread house!? This is down right wrong, I could
sue you y - agg...aggghh...aghhh.... get it off, get if OFF!
Car
*Blue and Scarlet are driving away
from a successful mission, happy to be returning to Cloudbase*
B: Well, I'm glad that all
went to plan...
S:
Me too, I'm looking forwards
to getting back to Cloudbase...
B:
Yes… So am I, but did you really need to throw me out of the SPV again...?
S: Well, yo-
B:
Because it’s really starting to get annoying you know...
S: Yes, bu-
B:
The sudden rush upwards gets you first, then it’s the long wait until you can
actually go anywhere, and it hurts when you land! In fact, I bet you'd love to
know how it feels....
S:
Adam, no, I....ARGH!
B:
Try hitchhiking! *Slams door shut and drives off*
TNT
Caption 1:
Scarlet: *Being
pulled back into rocks* Dianne, I
don't care how much you want more, I’ve got to finish this mission.... What do
you mean Adam would!?!
Caption 2:
*Regardless of the
point that Captain Scarlet had destroyed the entire area when he crashed the SPV
(Repeatedly), he still struggled to stop the explosives from making the debris
smaller…*
Sharks
*Spectrum
Rookies talk by Captain Scarlet*
Scarlet: *Photo slide comes to the screen, Scarlet taps it with a
pointer* Ok people, here’s what to do if you ever
find yourself facing man eating sharks... Grr!
Lieutenant in training: Uh, sorry, Captain?
Scarlet: Grr! Show them that you have teeth too, and then pray to God
that everything goes ok from there…
Lieutenant: And if it doesn’t?
Scarlet: Keep clenching you're teeth
and prepare for pain… lots and lots o' pain...
Lieutenant: *To another* This guy’s wacked!
Spiked Room
Caption 1:
Scarlet: Oh for Christ’s sake! This has got to be
copyright to somebody...how old is this one!? Come on guys, this is getting
silly now...
*From outside*
Blue: Oh give over, Paul!
Grey: Yeah, we want our lunch!
*Multiple
sniggering from outside*
Ochre: Hannibal said Scarlet on
a Spike was "Darn good eatin".
Magenta: And anyway, if you hurry up and come back, even you can
sample the food!
Scarlet: I think, I’m going to be...sick...
Black: Ah… That may have
something to do with me being here.
It’s only your stupid sixth sense… Besides, I had to see this!
Caption 2:
Captain Scarlet was beginning to think Rhapsody was going a little too far with the “Kinky Games”…
Crates
Scarlet:
*Glancing at script* Juliet, come
down from thy ...window, and uh...come with...thou...thee...um, yes, to eat, uh,
a nice...Indian...thou. Pree thee, pree thee, come down...
Rhapsody: Right that’s IT! I don't care how much I want him to be
Romeo, this just ISN'T working! Green! Release the props for the action play
next week!
Scarlet: What the, Rhapsody no!...Argh!!! *From under crates*
Oww...uh...hello? Pree thou help thee...? … *Pathetically* Colonel!
Tank
*Middle of an action scene, we see Captain Scarlet heroically
swinging from the Cannon of the Tank, risking everything to save the day once
more. Then, the string that is holding him up to prevent him from looking like
an idiot, as he would no way be able to do any of these stunts alone, snaps.
Scarlet: *Clinging on to the snapped string, swaying from side to side* ARGH! Hey, this isn't
Tarzan you know! They turned me down as well! *The Tank continues to advance* ARGH! No! Wait! Stop the
tank! STOP THE TAN-
Fire
Scarlet: Oh my God! Now I know why the cafeteria caught fire so easily! ...Also why the food’s so awful...